I just knew the FTT would make me cry this week. It's funny because I thought I was making all the wrong friend moves this week. I was so frustrated for you, and yes, that frustration came from a very personal place. I felt like a jerk when I urged you not to go home, not to set that precedent and scolded myself - what kind of mother ARE you? I had doubts about calling in the experts in telling Jill about your woes. (What a beautiful portrait of her!) Then after I learned that Bea went back with you, I rewrote that text three times, worried that I was being toxically positive. But that seemed like the only way forward. Glad to hear I was helpful and not a heel. Thanks for this post and all the work you do to make the struggles of working parents visible. Really looking forward to hearing more about getting kicked out of a fancy party. So much love to you and your sweet family!
Belle, How I wish I had read your entry when I was going to the hospital for hours and hours on weekends and during nights, placing what were other people's needs--and my own--above the tears of my twins, who, when they got old enough, asked the stab-in-the-heart questions: "Mom, do you love your patients more than you love me?"
Now, many years later, they are both seeing that their creative sides are most fulfilled in how they interact with others in the caring process and in the integration of science in ways that are both intellectually gratifying and ring true with each of them. When one of them talks to me now about how the art of care integrates their various selves and allows them to do medicine in ways unique to who they are and what each is finding as their personal truths, I feel that the messages gleaned from knowing that their are many things that are not just pathways and standardized decisions but intricate individual circumstances in which their perceptions and ability to appreciate sunshine over an ocean or good literature makes them more attuned to people with whom they are working. This is different from being able to go away to focus on work among other creative people, but contains threads of the same process. Importantly, from my perspective, after so much time feeling guilty for time spent away, your comments and the strength and creativity I see in my own kids, is food for the spirit.
That is so helpful to hear, Becky! I love the phrase "the art of care" and I know that all of the research shows that kids benefit from navigating relationships with parents who also care for/do for others & have a life that is apart from theirs... though it can be hard to remember in the moment. You must be so proud of your kids. xo
I really enjoyed this one, Belle. I’m glad you got away for a bit and am glad for your students and writer friends that you are sharing your encouragement and suggestions about this.
I just knew the FTT would make me cry this week. It's funny because I thought I was making all the wrong friend moves this week. I was so frustrated for you, and yes, that frustration came from a very personal place. I felt like a jerk when I urged you not to go home, not to set that precedent and scolded myself - what kind of mother ARE you? I had doubts about calling in the experts in telling Jill about your woes. (What a beautiful portrait of her!) Then after I learned that Bea went back with you, I rewrote that text three times, worried that I was being toxically positive. But that seemed like the only way forward. Glad to hear I was helpful and not a heel. Thanks for this post and all the work you do to make the struggles of working parents visible. Really looking forward to hearing more about getting kicked out of a fancy party. So much love to you and your sweet family!
you are a good and great friend love!
You really do always say the right thing! Truly!
i want to hear more about the party! ya’ll looked so chic!❤️
Belle, How I wish I had read your entry when I was going to the hospital for hours and hours on weekends and during nights, placing what were other people's needs--and my own--above the tears of my twins, who, when they got old enough, asked the stab-in-the-heart questions: "Mom, do you love your patients more than you love me?"
Now, many years later, they are both seeing that their creative sides are most fulfilled in how they interact with others in the caring process and in the integration of science in ways that are both intellectually gratifying and ring true with each of them. When one of them talks to me now about how the art of care integrates their various selves and allows them to do medicine in ways unique to who they are and what each is finding as their personal truths, I feel that the messages gleaned from knowing that their are many things that are not just pathways and standardized decisions but intricate individual circumstances in which their perceptions and ability to appreciate sunshine over an ocean or good literature makes them more attuned to people with whom they are working. This is different from being able to go away to focus on work among other creative people, but contains threads of the same process. Importantly, from my perspective, after so much time feeling guilty for time spent away, your comments and the strength and creativity I see in my own kids, is food for the spirit.
That is so helpful to hear, Becky! I love the phrase "the art of care" and I know that all of the research shows that kids benefit from navigating relationships with parents who also care for/do for others & have a life that is apart from theirs... though it can be hard to remember in the moment. You must be so proud of your kids. xo
I really enjoyed this one, Belle. I’m glad you got away for a bit and am glad for your students and writer friends that you are sharing your encouragement and suggestions about this.
Thank you, Ken!
That’s so cool they allowed you to bring Bea for part of it. Thanks for the good read.