A message of love
for trans kids in North Carolina
This week, Beatrice and Harriet are getting spoiled loving life in Walkerton with Mamie, Grampa, and Stedman (Mamie and Grampa’s puppy—happy 3-month-old birthday, Steddy!) while I begin the semester. I have a guest post for us today, but it’s one I’ll read with Bea and Harriet when they get back, and that I hope all of you will read with your kids too. I hope you’ll forward this post to friends, grandparents, and teachers, because it’s an important message as North Carolina, just this week, joined a growing number of states with harmful, dangerous, anti-trans legislation targeted directly at kids. In fact, here’s a link to forward it:
North Carolina’s new laws were accomplished via an override of Governor Cooper’s veto of three anti-LGBTQ+ bills. After Charlotte-based State Representative Tricia Cotham switched parties (despite running and being elected as a Democrat), we now have a Republican supermajority in thrall to harmful culture-war ideas promoted by hate groups like Moms for Liberty. And because Moms for Liberty considers themselves a “parents’ rights” group, many of the laws being passed target kids, families, and schools. Here’s what the new laws will do:
-They will ban doctors from providing gender-affirming care to minors. We are now the 22nd state to pass laws in direct violation of research-driven guidance from the American Medical Association and American Academy of Pediatrics, which consider these treatments “medically necessary care.”
-They will ban trans girls from competing in women’s sports, shutting off an avenue for personal, social, and athletic development for so many kids in middle, high school, and college. The American Psychological Assocation, like many other research-driven groups, opposes transgender exclusion in sports.
-They will ban K-4 teachers from discussing gender and sexual orientation, and they will require parental approval to address a child using different pronouns. Read here about why the National Education Association believes that pronouns matter.
Before I get to the guest post, I want to share a photo I snapped in a classroom in Bea and Harriet’s public school this week—a poster produced and provided by the Department of Public Instruction:
Sounds pretty good, right? All things most parents want for our kids—adaptability, collaboration, communication? Empathy? Yet North Carolina’s new laws close off avenues to these worthy goals not just for trans kids, but for all kids. Because how can you learn communication by not being allowed to talk about real issues and identities that affect your class community? How can you learn empathy (or collaboration, learner’s mindset, or adaptability) if you or a peer are being told that you can’t be yourself?
The good news is that there are still many adults who are on the side of all kids, no matter how they identify. The following is a speech I heard delivered at a protest in May, which opposed the dangerous influence of Moms for Liberty, which has made anti-trans legislation a lobbying focus, on North Carolina’s Republican legislators. As the speaker, who has asked to remain anonymous, addressed the crowd, groups of middle-school kids strolled by on field trips. Some paused to listen, and they got the gist immediately, waving, making heart signs, and putting up fists in solidarity. I’m glad they had a chance to hear it, and grateful for the chance to share these words with you and your family:
Hey, y'all. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm one of those really scary trans people that they keep telling y'all about, so I wanted to be respectful and give you a good sense of the type of person that I am so you can make an informed decision about what it means for me to be a member of your community in North Carolina. For one, it's important that you know that I firmly prefer dill pickles over sweet, I'm really into video games and I tell everyone I meet about all of the lore in the game Slime Rancher, I am obsessed with the song “Can't Take My Eyes off of You” by Franki Valli and the Four Seasons, and I spend a lot of my time crocheting, coming up with makeup looks, and cooking with my partner. Are you scared of me yet? If it isn't clear yet, I'm not really all that scary, I just happen to be trans, and for me, being trans and coming out has made me vulnerable to a series of attacks and violence at the behest of the state and organized hate groups like Moms for Liberty. These groups want you to think that I am not a safe person to be around in your community. They want to legislate people like me out of public spaces, including bathrooms, medical facilities, schools, sport teams, businesses, and so on. Make no mistake, the legislation these groups are proposing are designed to actively cause harm to trans people, particularly Black, brown, and Indigenous trans people, and trans youth.
These groups want to convince you that trans youth are uninformed and unable to advocate for themselves, and to that I say, HRT, gender affirming care, and loving trans kids in community are all lifesaving practices. Had hormone blockers been an option for me when I was younger, I might have had the opportunity to exert more control over my transition and my body. I might have felt more affirmed in high school and community college, and I might have had the support of my parents, teachers, and friends as I navigated the difficult process of coming out. At the time, issues relating to gender were simply not widely discussed, and these were things that myself and my family were simply not aware of. While I am happy with where I am now, and I am grateful that I was able to start hormone replacement therapy when I did, like many trans adults, I wonder how my life would have looked different if I had the resources to make educated and informed decisions about my body earlier. Anti-trans legislation that restricts access to hormone blockers or denies them altogether to trans youth on the basis that it is "too permanent" a decision for a child is simply a thinly veiled excuse for transphobic legislators to push us to the margins and deny us access to healthcare. These legislators fail to mention the permanent changes that many trans people undergo when they are not able to access hormone blockers. They also fail to mention the benefits to trans youths' mental health when they are affirmed and able to make autonomous decisions about their bodies. The impacts of denying trans youth healthcare are permanent.
Furthermore, many trans people live their lives feeling as though they must conform to the expectations that a binary and cisgender society place upon them. We either look "too trans" or "not trans enough." If we transition, we are denied access to public spaces, sports teams, bathrooms, housing, jobs, and educational opportunities. If we don't transition, many of us are forced to live with the consequences in silence; I cannot tell you how many times I have had to defend my name, my pronouns, my clothing choices, my interests to people in order to authenticate myself as a trans person and to be legible to the people around me, and these are struggles I face as an adult! I could go on about the horror stories of experiences I've faced of harassment in public spaces, constantly being denied my medication by my insurance or not being able to get doctors' appointments, spending all of my time educating my cisgender peers about these issues and standing in as a representative for the community when truthfully I'm just one person, and the list goes on. Luckily, I have had the fortune to learn from trans elders and educators whose wisdom have helped me to affirm myself and confidently embrace my identity, and I am grateful for those in the community who struggle alongside me and teach me something new all the time.
But for so many trans youth, access to this community is not yet viable. They face transphobic families and teachers, legislators who deny their humanity and falsely claim they are the product of abuse, and doctors who ignore or delegitimize the very real issues that they face. In every respect, we must absolutely stand by trans kids and those that support them and fight for their right to live. Every trans person deserves access to affirming care and a community that loves them. I want to end by sharing with you something that I hold onto quite often in times like these, by remind you that the wonderful thing about trans kids is that they become trans adults, people who share their love and light with the world and go on to do incredible things. It is our duty to protect and defend them and ensure that they can grow into their adulthood. For all of the trans people here, I just want to remind you that you are loved, and you're gonna be here forever. Thank you.
Much love to all of you, Frog Troublers—especially to our trans and nonbinary readers. We see you!
P.S. Here’s a link to picture and chapter books starring trans, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming kids. Our love to librarians too!
Thanks to all the writers that contributed to this post! Beautifully said!